Strength and Courage - The experience and discovery of my birth parents and familyStrength and Courage - The experience and discovery of my birth parents and family

A blog to share the incredible search process and new family connections

Zero Gravity and Sushi Feb 16 – 17, 2018

by Mary Lynne on category

To my family and friends – thanks for sticking with me on these long blogs!  So much to our story!

Before coming to Dallas I was thinking about what we would want to do.  Go to see where we both lived (at one point we were both living in Richardson which is just outside of Dallas), the hospital where I was born which was demolished in 2015 due to structure integrity and then re-built, my old elementary school, etc.  Knowing we were going to meet the family later on Saturday and probably stay busy the rest of the weekend, I asked her if a relaxing day at a local spa might be in order.  Yes! she responded via text.  So, I went to work looking at different options and chose a place not too far from the hotel where we could get in on Friday with a couple appointments.  Saturday morning we went down for our free breakfast from a coupon that the manager also gave us (so incredibly thoughtful!).  At the omelet station both Sherry and I ordered omelets with jalapeños, a few potatoes and some berries.  Coffee is a must have with at least 1-2 cups a day.  This fits with my 23andme report which said I was ‘likely to consume more’.  We headed off to the spa for our first appointment.  We went pretty casual with a lovely person offering to take our picture outside the spa.

 Getting ready for our relaxing day!

Once inside, we talked through the appointments that I had booked filled in all the paperwork and we shown through the back door into low lights and low voices.  Lockers, robes, hot tea – we were all set.  For those who have pedicures, you will appreciate this next experience.  We were called into this small room where there were a total of 4 chairs.  Sherry and I were seated across from each other chatting away with one of the staff remarking how young Sherry looks to which she remarked with a thank you and how all these compliments were going to go to her head.  🙂  As we were all laughing, one of the patrons in the other chair asked us to lower voices which was fine because now we were about to transition to the zero gravity experience which entails laying back in the zero gravity chair, putting on comfortable headphones playing ocean and rainfall sounds and having soothing eye mask placed over our eyes.  You feel like you are floating and in a complete relaxing state.  Afterwards walking out of the room, both of us thought this was one of the best experiences for a pedicure we had ever had!  With about a 3 hour gap we went through the rest of the picture books she brought and conversed about each family member a little more and Sherry’s life growing up. She was going to be a nurse when she was heading to college and in comparison I was going to be a dentist. She married even when accepted into nursing school but her first husband wanted her to work instead. This ultimately led her to a career in the post office.  She became Postmaster eventually which is quite a feat for a woman in Texas!!!

I finished with my last appointment before my mom did, paid and walked to the local coffee shop. I texted where I was and she came walking in a little later not happy that I paid for everything. Her funny statement was that I was in trouble with her for the first time in our mother-daughter relationship!  No worries it didn’t last long. 🙂

We went back to the hotel to change for dinner and then took a Lyft to the sushi place.  Why sushi you may ask?  We found that we both love sushi but Sherry doesn’t eat very often as very few family members like sushi. Some of you may know that I have yet to find a sushi place in all of my domestic and global travels that compares to the excellent texture, taste and freshness as The Sushi House in Bridgewater, NJ. Well, Edoko in Frisco, Tx runs a high 2nd!

We had a late reservation to give us time to wake up from our relaxing day and at t 11:30 pm as we caught our Lyft back we were literally the last patrons to leave with a restaurant employee vacuuming behind us. Not because we were messy but trying to ‘sweep us out of the restaurant’ in case we were thinking of just staying overnight. Haha!  The sushi was that good!

Back to the hotel we drank a glass of wine and ate the last of the strawberries from the hotel manager discussing what our plans are for checking out and heading to Waco. She presented me with my Grandmother’s birthstone ring since my Grandmother Mary who died at age 94 last September had a March birthday like me. This was so special and so appreciated!  My mom said that she wished we would have found each other before my grandmother died so she could have met me. I know she must be watching over me now!  Another 1:30am night before we went to sleep but it was such a wonderful day!

Wine and Welcome – February 15, 2018

by Mary Lynne on category

At the airport we located the vicinity of where Sherry believe she parked only to find there was no elevator to go up the one flight.  To refresh the reader I had my larger blue suitcase which wasn’t heavy but large!  Up one flight only to realize we were actually down 2 flights of stairs giving us a good chuckle as we descended the parking garage.  All my OTF workouts were coming in handy at this point.  We located her cute white Toyota Rav4 and headed out of the airport toward the hotel. I found a good points rate at the Marriott Quorum next to the Galleria which was a good location especially if a little shopping was in our future 🙂 With my big blue bag in tow and her small floral bag we walked into the hotel. At the receptionist check in chatting with the young man who is getting everything in order, one of the managers asked us where we were from.  My mother replies that she is from Waco and I am from Chicago. The manager then asks what brought together at their hotel?  Sherry then follows this up saying “Do you think we look alike?”  The manager nods yes.  “We are here for a reunion… a 52 year old reunion!”  The manager looked at us kinda funny so I explained that I recently discovered my birth mother on New Years Day and this was our first face to face meeting. She was so happy for us that she asked if we drank wine and what kind. In unison we both said YES! and red wine was our favorite. 🙂  “We will send to your room a bottle of red wine as a congratulations on your reunion.” As we were heading to the elevator Sherry asked if I minded her telling the front desk about us to which I replied that no I really loved the fact that she is as excited as I am on our new found relationship. We get settled, receive the bottle wine AND to our pleasant surprise six chocolate covered strawberries, and then head to the restaurant which is fortunately still open at 9:30pm. We walk up the restaurant only to be greeted by the restaurant manager who says this must be your daughter. My mother says yes with the manager remarking how much we look alike and how young Sherry looks.  (This was the 2nd time someone told her this which she was just soaking in and enjoying the compliments!). Sherry then explains to me that she drove up early to Dallas, going to the mall then to the hotel meeting some of the staff who she also told our story. This made me just smile. I love that she is so happy!

 At the hotel…think we look alike??!!

We find out that we like similar foods ordering hummus to share and a lite meal since it was pretty late.  We spoke with my husband on the phone recanting highlights of our trip so far and headed back to the room.  We both brought a little something to give each other – mine was a book titled ‘The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World’ by the 14th Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu that I also received at Christmas from my mother-in-law and she gave a bracelet from Brighton her favorite jewelry and purse store.  We looked at one of four picture books she brought on her life growing up with pictures of my uncle, grandparents and other family members.  Fortunately there was no quiz on who was who because at this point I am just nodding trying to soak it all in.  We ended up talking until 1:30am only to continue talking for another 30 min even after we turned out the lights.

Moment of truth – February 5-15, 2018

by Mary Lynne on category

The week of February 5th I finally met my younger sister, Angi and her two children, Kori and Korbin via FaceTime.  They were like Tony, so incredibly nice and easy to speak with!  Kori is working toward getting a degree in speech pathology and Korbin is in high school playing baseball and football. Angi works for the school district and she also really enjoys working with people teaching them about skin care with Mary Kay products.  Sherry remarked to me before we video chat how good Angi’s skin is and she definitely has a youthful appearance on camera!   Kori told me about her focus in softball when she was in high school – I told her about the time we were invited to the Daytona 500 by a good friend of my husband.  His daughters also played softball for Florida State and we had a chance to go to one of their games. We were quite impressed and I believe they won their games that day.  Korbin and I talked about our favorite football, hockey teams – some the same (Dallas Cowboys) and some different (Dallas Stars vs Chicago Blackhawks).  He was funny – every so often peering into the camera, picking on his older sister while trying to be serious but with a hint of a smile.  🙂  You can tell that Kori is quite tolerant of her little brother at times and she is beautiful inside and out!  Our 2 hour video call seemed to fly by concluding that we were looking forward to seeing each other in a couple weeks.

Flying into Dallas – My original birthplace… St. Paul Hospital Dallas, TX

I spoke with Sherry and Gary a couple more times before flying out to Texas.  Sherry and I decided it would be good to spend a couple days with just the two of us in Dallas and then go to Waco to see the family.  She was very open to meeting someplace for the entire time but hearing from the family how excited they were to meet me, we chose to stay local instead.

I flew into Dallas Fort Worth airport on Thursday night, Feb 15 with luggage that I had checked through. I can pack small in a carry-on bag for work but for vacation when the weather may fluctuate I don’t even try.  I stepped off the plane and walked the hallways to get to the baggage claim area. It was around 8:15 as we arrived a few minutes early having a gate open right away.  Getting in early is one thing but getting into the gate when you are early sometimes is a miracle!  As I walked up to the entrance there was my birth mother so adorable and grinning from ear to ear. We hugged a couple times and then talked about the clothes and jewelry we were wearing, the amazing weather, where she found parking, etc. chatting just like we were using FaceTime. No tears were shed at this point as I later learn that we are pretty similar in this regard where are emotions generally come at unexpected times.  There was no loss of words between the two extroverted women, mother and daughter as we waited for my luggage. Her Texas accent and my typical non committal accent that is slowly beginning to evolve into a Texas twang. Yee haw!  Finally they announced that the luggage was arriving on the carousel next to the one we were waiting at and as I looked left I saw my blue bag. I mentioned to Sherry that I saw it and started walking fast to grab it before it moved too far down the belt. She caught up to me saying ‘I was walking too fast’ but she understood why I darted so quickly to grab it. So we began the nice walk in 75 degree temperature outside to her car. I left 27 degree temperatures in Chicago so this felt lovely!

Family meetings and Sharing history Jan 16-30, 2018

by Mary Lynne on category

Tuesday night, January 16th was the next time we spoke.  I asked my youngest son, Kevin if he wanted to be introduced to my birth mom? He said ‘of course!’ so we texted Sherry to see if she was ready.  We spoke for a good two hours, first speaking of the tournament and then speaking with Kevin about school, friends and his thoughts on being the only ‘kid’ at home.  We also introduced our labradoodle named Sage who was trying to get our attention by moving across our laps to get in the best position for constant petting.  See her picture below!

As we talked about our family with Sherry – we also met Gary, her husband for the first time.  He was the first person she told about me and it was he who really encouraged her to start searching.  Kevin decided we should walk up our stairwell and by holding the computer, we could show them both all the pictures of our family on the wall.  It was certainly just a snapshot of our lives, but another way to share more about the family.  I also shared that I haven’t had a relationship with my adopted parents in almost 20 years which as one would expect would leave a significant gap in my personal life.  Quite honestly I have had such incredible support from my husband, children, my brother David and his parents that I didn’t recognize there even was a gap.  Sherry’s first words were ‘I am so sorry’ and that family means everything to her.  Of course I responded that it was clearly not her fault emphasizing the support that I have had over the 20 years.

We started speaking every 2-3 days using FaceTime as often as possible concentrating our conversations on different aspects of our lives and inevitably for at least 2 hours.  One evening Sherry spent some time discussing her medical background in more detail.  We had learned earlier in the month that in 2012 both of us had hip replacements – mine was my left hip and hers was the right hip.  High blood pressure runs in the family and I just learned that I needed to start a diuretic even though my weight and exercise regiment told the doctor differently.  This is where family history can certainly help!  Another interest of mine was this incredible vocal ability that several of my children have.  Unfortunately this does not come from my mother’s side so something to investigate more from my father’s family.

Also during this month of January we decided on a date to meet face to face which was going to be President’s Day weekend.  So we started planning what this would look like, where to meet, etc.

Family connections were important to both of us.  For me it began with meeting my new brother Tony and for Sherry I introduced her to my husband Andy.   Snippets of our conversations including everything from learning that ‘the apple is still on the tree’ since both my birth mother and I enjoy shopping  🙂 and sharing our common interest in the company Best Buy.  My brother Tony has been working at Best Buy for several years, we knew one of Dick Schultz’ (founder of Best Buy) daughter whose son was a buddy of our son Kevin and we tend to buy most of our appliances there.  They found Andy quite humorous and enjoyed his stories of various aspects of our lives with his version a slight twist of my truth – haha!  Tony was equally fun, really open and seemed to be excited to discover he has another sister!  I also had a chance to share messages with my new sister Kristen who lives in Virginia but like me does a fair amount of travel for work so it has been more challenging to connect.  My older children asked that I share their phone numbers with Sherry so she could start to connect with them directly and I met Tony’s son Dylan on another FaceTime call.  I scheduled another time to speak with my younger sister, Angi and her children which I was really looking forward to!

At this point, I was pretty encouraged on my birth family discovery.  Questions still remained for me like; would they really like me? even love me? What does this new family means to me?  How will my family respond? How does a mother-daughter catch up on 52 years? How does a sister catch up with her new brother and sisters? Will I be nervous, excited, sad, or… ??

Speaking for the first time – Jan 12, 2018

by Mary Lynne on category

During the month of January, Sherry and I began to talk.  Her adorable Texas accent, spunky charm and excitement that we have connected came across right away.  We spoke about 45 minutes late Friday afternoon on January 12th where she let me know a little more about who my Dad was (which was confirmed based on the ancestry tree that Mary had put together), where she lived during her pregnancy and why she has been looking for me the past two years.   When she discovered she was pregnant, she told my father.  He was a young man she met and dated during the summer on the rebound from her first love break-up a couple months before.  He was heading to college so having a child was not in his plan.  Sherry’s parents decided the best place for her to continue schooling, protect her brother David Richey (my uncle) who was only ten years old at the time, and maintain her reputation, was to live with her Aunt Frances and Uncle Pete in Plano. Sherry would go to a local college where they taught high school classes for unwed mothers during the week while her aunt and uncle would go to work. On March 23, 1965  she went into labor. Sherry said she called her Aunt telling her she had horrible pains to which her Aunt replied “Oh my word you are going into labor!”  Aunt Frances was working this day so Sherry had to wait for her to come home and then take her to the hospital.  St Paul University hospital, which is now no longer having been torn down in 2015 and replaced by a new medical center under UT Southwestern, was where she went to have me.  When she started to give birth they gave her laughing gas to put her to sleep which was done to ensure the adoption was followed through.  When Sherry woke up she asked the nurse who came in to check on her what she had to which the nurse replied ‘a baby girl’ but she was not allowed to see me and know anything about me.  After a week in the hospital, Sherry went back home where the birth of her ‘baby girl Richey’ was never to be spoken of again until Sherry was much older.

In 2015 Sherry decided to tell her husband Gary about the baby girl born on March 23 and it was with his encouragement that she reached out to an agency to start searching.  Later in Sherry’s life, she asked her Mom if she knew what happened to me.  Her mom said she didn’t know, but wasn’t sure I even made it after birth.  Unclear why her Mom said this either because she just didn’t know or because she didn’t want Sherry to look for me, this statement made her even more determined to get some closure and find out if I was still alive or not. Very little progress was being made with the agency so Sherry was ready to call a woman who had helped someone locate her parents when she received my letter.

The next day, January 13th, we had our first FaceTime call while I was in between my son’s volleyball games at McCormick Center.  I found a quiet place on the 2nd floor to meet her via video chat and it was during this conversation that I learned she had reached out to all of her adult kids (Angi and Tony) who lived nearby and asked that they come over to her house that Saturday morning.  When Sherry called, they all asked ‘what is wrong, Mama’ because it was a little odd that she wanted them to come to the house together.  The one sister Kristen who is in Virginia, was told via the phone later that morning since she lives so far away.  When she told them all about having another sister, they were pretty excited, very supportive of their mom and were curious to learn more about me.  I was equally relieved how well they took the news.  The one question that they asked was why their mom never mentioned it before.   The main reason she explained was that she wasn’t sure if I was even alive and what would she say without knowing this?

We FaceTime’d for a good 1 1/2 hours and I knew I needed to get to the next volleyball game but we kept coming up with more questions about each other. Can you imagine having 52 years of catching up to do?  I made it to his next game leaving it that we would speak again in a couple days.

FOUND!!! Jan 1, 2018

by Mary Lynne on category

Image result for new years day free images

 

This is my fourth and final post on the history.  On January 1, 2018, New Year’s Day at 11:36 am CST I received a text from Mary to look at my email.  Here are some excerpts from that email:  “Over the Thanksgiving holiday, Ancestry sold 1.7 million DNA kits.  As a result you won the parent lottery.  Those new matches to your DNA  allowed me to pin point your parents… I believe your birth father… is the first cousin to the man I first thought might be your father and a brother to the woman who’s picture I emailed to you recently. Until last week, he hadn’t showed up as one of his parent’s children. He is the right age and also a first cousin to  the Kirkland person discovered in July who was until today your closest match on Ancestry”

“Your mother is my biggest find and was actually confirmed this morning when I took a last look at your matches and found that your uncle’s test was loaded last night by Ancestry.com and he has one sister which appears to be your birth mother.”    WOW!!!
I think anyone reading this email would get the same chills that I did and I wasn’t even sitting down!  So what would any good researcher do – start looking on social media to see what I could find.  One of the first things I found was a notice for my grandmother, who sadly passed away in September 2017.  It was in this information that I learned of my half siblings, nieces and nephews and any of my grandmother’s siblings who were still alive.  So for the next couple of weeks I reflected on all of the key finds from Mary, additional information that I discovered on the web and deciding on the next steps now having the keys to my family.
January 8-12th, 2018 – This was the week I decided to send a letter to my birth mother.  I noticed that my newly found uncle only went into Ancestry.com once and for almost two weeks had yet to log back in.  Why was this important you ask?  This basically meant that either he didn’t realize what he was seeing on me being his closest match or that he had no idea that he had another niece.  Discussing this with Mary and through her guidance and writing help, we decided a letter mailed to my birth mother was the best road to take versus sending something to my uncle.  The letter was carefully written to highlight the DNA searches that led me to sending her this letter asking more for her help than identifying her directly as my birth mother.  It was important that the letter was clear there was no intent to disrupt their lives with medical interest being my primary reason even though the relationship connection was equally desired.  I added a few pictures of me and my family to make it more personal with my contact information at the bottom.
On January 12th in the afternoon while on a conference call, I receive a text from a number I do not recognize.  Here is what I basically saw:  ‘Hi Mary Lynne, I received your letter in the mail today.  I must say I cried when I read it.  I have been searching for you for the past two years.  I needed to know if you if you were alive and well since I never knew what happened to you.  Back then you were kept in the dark about everything… (more details shared on why this was later).  Yes I am your biological mother, Sherry Richey (Gavlik).  I am so proud and excited about getting to finally know things about you and hopefully meet you!”
From this text, our lives began to connect and so my blog and subsequent posts will now focus on this next exciting stage of our lives…
✕

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